Why Can't I?
by ItachiSasukeSama
Summary: Why can't I breathe, whenever I think about you? When Sasuke is told he is in love, he has to take a deep look inside himself to understand just why it is his heart is closed off to everyone. Why is he unable to feel anything for anyone? Who is it that's holding the Uchiha's heart captive? Yaoi, smutful lemon...


_Why can't I breathe, whenever I think about you?  
Why can't I speak, whenever I talk about you?_

I've never really felt the burning desire associated with the physical side of a relationship. Although if I'm honest, I've never really felt the euphoric desire to be with someone in the first place. People ask me out, and I say yes for lack of anything else to really say. I turned them all down before hand, telling them I won't ever love them, but they just refuse to listen. At least I took the time to warn them first, if they decide to persist and get hurt, that's not my fault is it? Persist they do, and so I say yes, but it always ends the same.

"Sasuke, you jerk!"

"Sasuke, you teme!"

"Sasuke, you baka!"

You get used to it after awhile, and it's not like it ever hurt in the first place. You cant be hurt by something if you never really felt anything about it in the first place. It's only as I sit here that I realise I really _wasn't_ hurt by any of these things. Not the names or the ruined friendships, none of it bothers me. I'm starting to wonder if there's anything in this world that bothers me.

"Sasuke?" I sigh at the cautious call of my name. This time my 'lover' has decided not to take all the hints that the others took. Instead of growing annoyed by my lack of interest, he seems determined to ignore it completely.

"What is it Neji?" Perhaps this is going to be his time, the moment he decides that enough is enough and there's no point to our being together any more.

"Are you ever going to realise?" He asks, and as I look at him I can see he looks vaguely upset yes, but not the devastated emotional wrecks I usually have to deal with. That's something at least I guess. I don't need him to explain further, I know what he means. I've had this conversation before, so many times now.

"I don't have any feelings for you Neji, I told you that even before we started dating." I sigh wearily and look out of the diner window again. I am so tired of this conversation. Yes, the words are different, but the general outline is always the same.

"I know that." He says, and this perks my interest. This is new, and its admittedly a little exciting to have this fresh perspective. I look back at him, and while I can see the hurt in his eyes over the fact that I will never love him, there's a distinct curiosity in his pearl eyes that intrigues me. Like I said, this is new territory for me.

"Then what do you mean?" I ask, and I am surprised to hear a note of something in my voice. It sounds like interest, but that's unlikely. I never feel interested when it comes to a talk over 'our relationship' with my partner. It wasn't even interesting the first time I had that conversation, so then, why does this feel different?

"I mean, when are you going to realise that you're in love with Itachi?" He looks amused by the blank shock I know I'm throwing his way. This is _definitely _new. No one has thought to say such a thing to me before, and its gotten under my skin. I mean yes, they've always accused me of being in love with someone else, but they've never picked my own _brother_ as the target of my affection before. Yet Neji doesn't look angry like the others, and so I find myself confused. I know I'm frowning as I watch him order an ice-cream sundae from the waitress. I wave her away. I'm certainly not hungry after that accusation, my stomach is knotting uncomfortably at the very thought of my brother.

"You do realise he's my brother? That we're related, by _blood._ That's kind of gross, Neji." I'm trying to sound offended, and by the look of his smirk, I'd guess that I'm failing. The truth is, I'm_ not _offended, and he knows it. I don't feel things like other people do. When Naruto used to get mad, I would laugh. When Sakura used to whine about how unfair the world was and get all depressed, I would get annoyed, and _then_ I would laugh _at her._ I'm not sure if maybe I was just wired wrong, but even so, the fact that I feel _something_ right now makes me wonder just what it is Neji's trying to accomplish right now.

"So?" He shrugs at me, looking as if this minor fact about my brother is something that should just be overlooked. I'm staring at him again with the blank look of shock, I know I am, but again he's just looking amused. He accepts his desert from the waitress and delicately slices himself a scoop of cream, taking longer than necessary just so I can stew in my own thoughts. I know how his mind works like that, I use the same sort of tactics when I want my brother to actually listen to something I've said for once. Wait, why did I just think that? Never mind, it must just be because Neji has made me think about Itachi.

"Look, Sasuke..." He sighs, playing with the top of his sundae with his spoon as he looks over at me. "I _know_ how you feel about Itachi. It's obvious if you know what to look for. Whenever he's around you get all flustered, or you try to show off. You stand taller or you sit straighter. You constantly try to make a good impression on him, try to make sure his eyes are _always _focused on you. I've seen you." My mouth snaps closed at this. He knows that I was about to deny everything he just said, but there's really no point.

I admit that I want my brother to notice me, I want him to approve of the path I'm on, of the man I'm becoming. But it's natural to want your older siblings approval in such things, isn't it? That doesn't mean I'm in love with him. Neji's watching me while I think over the things he's just said, eating his desert as if we're having a normal conversation and not about the unnatural feelings I may or may not harbour for my brother. Wait, _may_ harbour? Am I actually considering that he might be right? That a Hyuuga might be able to work something out that an Uchiha has not?

"You're wrong." I say, a flat refusal, but I know I've taken too long to answer him. He shrugs at me and just stares at me blankly, knowing I'm still thinking about it. As I do just that, sifting through my memories of the time I've spent alone with my brother, I can sense something building. Is it dread? Am I dreading the possibility of finding something hidden away within myself? No, it doesn't feel hopeless enough to be dread. Dread is dark, this feeling is too light. It's when I think back to my last birthday, when Itachi had said he wouldn't be able to see me because he had work. This is the memory that shatters my world, because despite Itachi having been snowed under with work, despite the fact that there were no cabs available, he had managed to come see me. He had put _everything_ aside, all to come and wish me a happy birthday, and the feeling I had buried within that memory was so full that it burst when I lingered on it too long. I gasp at the overwhelming sense and power of feelings. I'm not supposed to feel things for people.

"This is exactly why your relationships fail Sasuke. You were right when you told us that you would never love us, you really cant. Of course, we all just thought that you were being difficult. But then the longer we were with you, the more we realised you really didn't care if we were there or not. The others all guessed you were interested in someone else, but they would be too angry to really try and think about the who part." He licks the cream from his spoon again, and I can see the hurt in his eyes again. This isn't just hurting me, its hurting him too, and that's the only reason I haven't killed him for making me realise these things I feel for my own brother. "I decided to watch you, see who it was that might be capturing you attention. Whenever I was with you, I would watch how you interacted with other people, see if I could find who it was and maybe try to be more like them. That was my own naivety, my own downfall. I was leaving your house about a month ago, we'd just been watching that movie, Higanjima. As I was leaving, Itachi came round to see you. There was this look in your eyes... I've never seen you look so pleased to see any one person before. That was when I knew, both that you loved your brother, and that I could never make you love me." He looks so sad, I'm tempted to try and comfort him, but I'm still too pissed the hell off that he's just dumped all this self-realisation crap on me.

"Why?" I ask, and he finally looks back at me. "_Why?" _I demand again, and I can tell he knows what I want to know. He plays with his damn ice-cream and tried to put off answering, but its not like I'm going anywhere and so I wait. The force of my glare must be eating away at his confidence, because he both looks and sounds broken when he looks at me and finally answers.

"Because I wanted to be wrong, Sasuke. I figured that you being able to love Itachi was proof enough that you _could_ in fact love, and so I wanted to try and make you love me instead. I don't really know why I thought you might, I'm nothing like Itachi and even if I tried it would be a poor imitation. But I wanted to give myself some more time, I had to at least try." I suppose I can give him that, he certainly has tried for longer than any of the others. Even managing to sustain a month with him was a chore, he knew because he _made_ it a chore, hoping to get his 'significant other' to hurry up and leave him.

"But then why tell me _now _of all times?" I ask, because he must know that his sense of timing is absolutely and completely despicable. If I feel how I think I might feel about my brother, to realise it now would just be stabbing the proverbial knife into my own heart, because tomorrow I will lose him all over again.

"Because you've been so focused on keeping your feelings to yourself that you never _realised._" The way Neji says this, the sheer conviction and emphasis he is using, tells me that he's been trying to wake me up to something even more significant than my own feelings, not that I'm saying I might actually be in love with my brother. "Sasuke you've been so focused on hiding your heart, hiding how you really feel so you wouldn't get hurt that you never once really _looked_ at your brother. You've never seen what's in his eyes when he looks at you."

"What are you talking about? Spit it out already!" I'm surprised to hear myself shout, its not like me to get worked up like this. I feel frustrated, like Neji is dangling the carrot right before my eyes, but not letting me have it. He finally stops playing with his stupid desert, laying down his spoon as he leans forward and stares at me. He's making sure that I'm focused, and I am, I feel like I'm going to explode if Neji doesn't hurry up and just tell me.

"Sasuke, Itachi loves you. He's always loved you." My heart just stopped. It was only for a second, but it happened. Now it's beating so hard in my chest I feel like its going to rip itself out of my chest and get as far away from me as possible. "He thinks there's no hope, that you're never going to be interested in him that way. Do you understand me, Sasuke? He thinks that you really hate him. If you don't go and talk to him, now, you're going to lose him forever."

"I lost him the moment he-" I start, but cant bring myself to finish. In truth, I know Neji's right about Itachi thinking I hate him. I certainly told him enough recently. I don't realize that I've stood up until I'm sliding out from behind the table. Neji's watching me as I leave, but he doesn't try to stop me. I have a feeling he resigned himself to our breaking up some time ago, he's just been clinging onto our relationship in the hopes that something might one day change. As I glance at him, I can see that he's hurting. There are tears running from his eyes, but he closes his eyes and turns his face away, and I do not stay to comfort him.

Instead I leave the diner. I'm out the door and walking down the street before I fully understand that my feet know where I want to go. Well, want isn't really the right word. I _need_ to go. I'm not sure why, but my feet are starting to move faster. My mind is throwing images of my brother at me, as I start to run. My birthday, any year, Itachi would just watch me and smile when I would run to him and hug him. When he turned eighteen and left home, the way he had apologised and told me that he would always be there for me. The day I twisted my ankle when I was seven and he kissed it better, wrapping it tightly before he carried me home on his back. My heart's pounding, I can feel it still trying to escape the confines of my chest.

_Why can't I breathe?_

I don't understand what's happening. It's like my body is moving on its own. My feet are slapping against the pavement, and I'm pushing people out of my way, shoving them aside so that I can get through the congested streets. Why is it so busy tonight anyway? Not that I really care, but it makes progress difficult. My throat is burning, and I can't suck down air fast enough. My lungs too are on fire, they hurt with every breath, but I don't want to slow down. If anything, I want to run faster, and I push my legs to do just that.

_Whenever I think about you..._

When I finally find what I'm looking for, I've been running for a half an hour. It's only when I stop and brace my hands on my knees that I realise that its raining, and fairly heavily too. Now I've noticed it, I can feel the droplets of water that are crawling over my scalp. They drop to the floor, as I stare at the hard pavement. When I manage to control the worst of the burning in my chest, I force myself to straighten up again. I can feel my hands trembling, and I cant be sure if its from fear of the cold of the rain.

With a deep breath, I push the door open and enter the lobby of the Shuriken Hotel, heading towards the front desk. It's not as fancy as the Kunai, three towns over, but its still the poshest place I've been to for a fair while. My family might be privileged, but that doesn't mean I'm a snob. My mother and father are snobs, and I hate them. Itachi is, well, there's not really many words that could be used to describe Itachi. He's an enigma among enigma's, once you think you've figured him out, it turns out there's just another layer for you to work through.

"Itachi Uchiha, please." It says a lot that I'm being polite. Normally if I want something I don't bother with such a thing, but this is important, and if I piss these people off then I'm going to have to knock on every door.

"I'm afraid he's asked not to be disturbed tonight." The woman behind the desk is smiling, though I'm not sure why, I'm certainly not impressed.

"Then I suggest you call him, and tell him his brother is here." I snap, and glare at her with such a deep anger that I'm confused for a moment as to just what it is she's really done to deserve it. While I'm preoccupied with trying to calm myself, she does as I ask. I watch her absently out of the corner of my eye, and I smirk when she pales. It seems Itachi does at least favour me, but is that because he really is in love with me? I can feel my smirk disappearing, and I want to groan in frustration. The things Neji said are swirling around in my head, and although I know I might just be setting myself up to have a worse argument with Itachi tonight than the one we had a month ago, I need to at least let him know that I don't really hate him.

"You can go up. He's in room fourteen-oh-eight." The woman looks slightly distressed, and I can only imagine just what Itachi has said to her. I don't care enough to ask though, so I head for the elevator and ride it up to the fourteenth floor. When I step out, I check both ways. Seeing number fourteen-twenty to the right, I head left. I count the doors as I go, trying to pretend my heart isn't thrashing about madly with every step closer to Itachi's room that I take. When I finally reach his door, I come to a halt. My hand raises itself to knock, but the sound never comes. My hand is stuck in the air, and I think the fear that's clogging my throat must also be preventing me from making the final move. Right now, I can still walk away, albeit with a broken relationship with my brother. But if I step inside, there's no guarantee that it wouldn't just become more broken, irreparably so even. The decision is taken away from me, when Itachi opens the door.

"Otouto..." He sounds and looks, as if he's surprised to see me. I take a moment to bask in the feeling of having surprised Itachi Uchiha, I'm fairly sure no one else has managed that great feat so far. I realise I'm still standing with my hand ready to knock, and I lower my hand. My eyes are busy examining my brother, his hair looks messy in its ponytail, as if he was laying down with it still tied up. His eyes area little blood-shot and although they're able to focus perfectly, they seem irritated. He raises a brow and I realise I've not said anything.

"Nii-san..." My throat clogs again, and the only thing I can do is try to fight back the tears I feel pooling behind my eyes. I slam my eyes shut to keep them hidden from my brother, but I hear him sigh and feel his hand fall onto my shoulder. He steers me inside and then closes the door, before his presence disappears completely for a moment. I don't panic though, because he's back too soon for me to. I feel him throw something over my head, and I open my eyes when he starts scrubbing my hair with the towel. He doesn't ask me any questions and I don't offer him any answers, I just stand still and let him dry me.

Eventually we will have to talk yes, but for now we are both content to ignore the giant elephant in the room and just enjoy each others company. I think back, and I'm surprised to find that its been almost three weeks since I've even _seen_ Itachi. When he finally decides I'm dry enough, he throws the towel onto the couch and moves away, but I grab his wrist and pull him back, burying my face in his chest. He doesn't pull away, instead he raises his arms around me and pulls me closer to him. My own arms are wrapped so tightly around him, I don't think a crow bar would be able to free him from my grasp.

_Why can't I speak?_

"I was wondering if you were going to come tonight." He breaks the silence, and I cant help but wonder if he had also been hoping that I would come. He doesn't loosen his hold on me, and we just stand in his room, in each others arms. I can't understand the feelings in my heart, its so heavy and yet being with him makes it lighter. Is this love? Is this what Neji saw in me when I was around Itachi? What he knew I would never feel for him?

"Nii-san..." I whine into his shoulder, and I can feel it as he chuckles. It's not the happy sound I remember, but a weary sound, full of remorse and pain. I want to hear him sounding happy again. I pull away from his chest, and finally meet his eyes. He's staring at me with the kind of sadness you expect to see in a person after they've lost their wife or husband, the other half of their hearts. It's breaking my own to see it, and I curse Neji again for making me realise I even had the ability to feel. Yet I also have to thank him, else I might never have come here tonight, and then it would have been too late. I let one hand free itself from behind him, lifting it to his face. My fingers trace his cheek, tracing one of his twin scars, and he closes his eyes, leaning into my hand.

Itachi's not stupid, he knows there's a reason I'm here, just as he knows that I'll get around to it eventually. But he's never really been a talker, he doesn't feel the need to fill every silence with mindless conversation. I think I get that from him, or at least from watching him when I was little and wishing I could be just like him. _Or with him._ My heart whispers to me, and I cant help but wonder if its true. I was always fascinated with Itachi, he was always the most important and interesting thing in the world to me. I wonder again, just how long I've been trying to deny my feelings.

"Sasuke." He sighs, and I feel my stomach flutter. He whispers my name with such a reverence that I feel like some sort of sacred deity or something. He opens his eyes and looks at me, and I can feel myself becoming lost in eyes that are so similar to my own. There's heat in my freezing body, rushing in two separate directions. One lot of blood is rushing to my face as a blush, the other is headed to my groin, where my dick twitches. I'm fairly sure he already knows why I'm here, but I cant bring myself to actually say it.

Instead, I feel myself leaning closer against him. There's not even a hairs breadth between us. With my hand still on his cheek, I bite my lower lip, but the release it immediately after. I've decided what I'm going to do, and I'm going to see it through. It's up to Itachi just where this ends now. While holding my breath, I close the distance between my brothers face and my own. My eyes never once leave his, and while I see a flash of surprise in them, its quickly eaten by desire. When our lips touch, it feels like waking up for the first time.

I'm not so innocent that I've never kissed before, I'd be a truly pitiful excuse of a human being if I hadn't at least tried these things. But the kisses in my past had no fire, no hungry desire and no heat to them. They were nothing more than a failed experiment in my eyes, a prelude to the main event. Itachi's lips were warm, where mine were cold. He shivers against me, and I know its not from the cold of my wet clothes. My skin is erupting in goosebumps, the erotic _wrongness_ of this situation in itself is arousing. Itachi kisses like he does everything else in life, with passion and desire and determination. His tongue sweeps across my lip and I let him in, let him take command of my body. I feel his hands finally begin to move, one sliding downwards and one moving upwards. The first comes to rest on my ass, which lights a fire in me that I've never felt before. I moan, and Itachi takes advantage of that, thrusting his tongue deeper into my mouth as if he were a conquering king, my mouth his new castle.

His other hand travels to the back of my head, and I can feel him lacing his fingers among the wet strands of my hair. He pulls me closer with both hands, awakening my body like no one has before. I can feel my heart racing in my chest, my lungs protesting at the lack of air. There's a heat in my belly that I've not once felt, and its both frightening and wonderful, this passionate desire. I kiss my brother with a kind of desperation that would put whores to shame, but I don't care. I need him to know, to understand that he and I, we are not so very dis-similar. I love, as he loves, my own flesh and blood.

He tears our lips apart, and I am a little grateful, because his kisses are demanding. I'm fairly sure my lips are already bruised, but I know that there is more to come, and I relish that. He hot lips meet my cool neck, his teeth nipping at my collarbone. I feel his hands moving again, as he shuffles his feet and forces me to move back. I stumble, but never fall due to his strong arms, and then I find my back braced against the wall. His hands have not stopped moving over me, and I feel completely boneless by the time I realise that he's peeling my wet clothes from my body.

His lips, tongue and teeth never cease their movements. They tease and torture my flesh, causing it to flush pink under his attentions. I want to say something, anything, but I cant find the words between my whorish moans. My mind is slowly hazing over, and soon I'll be incapable of thought completely. When Itachi's warm fingers dip beneath the rim of my boxers, I cry out, my hard need beneath that layer of fabric is embarrassing. I try to hide my face, but he's having none of it and bites hard at the joint which connects my neck to my shoulders. I hiss with both the pain and the pleasure, my cock is twitching at the torturous arousal my brother applies to me. I look down, as he kisses his way down my chest, pausing only to dip his tongue into my naval once or twice, before continuing his downward journey. The sense of anticipation I feel is excruciating.

_Why can't I breathe?_

He flicks his eyes up to mine, as he lowers my boxers and kneels before me. I can tell he's waiting for permission, and I can feel my eyes flood with tears at the consideration, unnecessary though it is. I nod because I want him, I nod because he wants me and I nod, because I know that for tonight at least, our world is separate from the rest. He teases me first with a gentle grip, his hand sliding along my length with a slowness that's almost painful. I whimper, and he seems to take pity on me. He leans closer and opens his mouth, a gust of warm breath exhaling against my cold skin.

When he slips his lips around the head of my cock, I almost pass out. The feeling of his warm, soft cheeks around me is unbelievable. It's never been like this before. I whine and he moans, a sound which makes my cock pulse and my head feel dizzy. He eases himself back, before taking me into his warmth again, his pace slow as he savours my flavour. My mouth waters at the thought of returning the favour, and I put my hands on his shoulders, pushing him back. _That_ is exactly what I want. He looks disappointed for a moment, until he realises that I don't want him to stop completely. I make him stand and begin to fumble with his buttons, my fingers stumbling over the little blighter's in their numbness.

I look up, and find him watching me with both curiosity and amusement. He takes over the task of his shirt buttons, and my hands move to his trousers. My eyes never leave his, even as I lean up and kiss him again. He stares back at me, as he parts his lips and invites me in, allowing me to taste my own essence within him. I feel like I'm flying inside myself. My brother's body is perfect, though I've known this for some time. His muscles are taught, jumping slightly when my cold fingers trace over their defined structure. He moans quietly when my cold hand wraps around his bare shaft, stroking gently. He removes my hand, and laces our fingers together, before he leans down and wraps his free arm around my back. I feel him lift me, and I wrap my legs around his waist, parting our lips only to moan when our hard shafts collide.

He carries me to the bed, laying me down as gently as if I were a precious and fragile gift. I giggle at the thought that he might well see me that way. He parts our lips, with a final soft kiss. His eyes are sparkling with a light I've never seen in them before, and I find myself breathless at the sight. The overwhelming feelings inside me swell as he draws back and lays beside me. I immediately move over him, gently kissing his scarred cheeks and then his eyelids. He smiles at me, before I turn and arrange myself over him, my knees carefully placed either side of his head, making sure not to trap any of his hair.

He traces one finger through the pre-cum I can feel leaking from my dick, and I moan as I lift myself enough to watch him suck it from his finger. I close my eyes and try to control myself, hoping that I won't embarrass myself. But I'll be a monkey's uncle if my brother doesn't suck cock like Jesus himself. I open my eyes, and am greeted with the vision of my brother's arousal. I'm immediately in love with the sight. Itachi's firm cock stands proud before me, the tip shining with the release of pre-cum and I notice that it twitches beneath my gaze. I reach forward a little and caress his ball sack, hearing a moan from somewhere below me, and I smile, before I lean in and lap at the fluid escaping Itachi's cock.

He gasps as my tongue slides against him, and his cock pulses a fresh batch of pre-cum for me. My lips part, and sink around the head. I moan, Itachi tastes even better than he looks, which is _really _saying something. I feel his lips attaching themselves to my cock, and I cant help but rock my hips slightly. His hands immediately grasp my hips, ceasing my movement, making me whine. He growls around my cock, raising one hand to slap my ass, which just makes me whine louder. He grabs my hips again and begins to move below me, sucking at my cock like its the best dango in the world. My head feels dizzy again, and I twist my tongue around the hard flesh in my own mouth, before I draw back, slurping loudly as I go. I hold still, and wait for Itachi to take control, knowing he will. I feel him release one hand from my hip and if I could then I would smirk. His hand stops in my hair, before I feel him thrust his hips upwards. I love the sound he makes when he feels himself tap the back of my throat, like a cross between a feral growl and a sighing moan. I'm shaking with the desire for him to properly fuck my face, hard and fast. For now I contend myself with him thrusting up into me, his dick striking the back of my throat, where I swallow around him before he can pull out again.

I feel only slightly bad, realising he's doing all the work, but then again, he seems to be relishing it. I don't notice immediately when he stops sucking my cock, but I notice when a wet muscle licks at the crinkled flesh of my ass. I put my hand on his hip and make him stop, the desire to come too strong for a moment. I reach down and clamp my hand on my dick, wanting to wait, wanting to savour every moment of agonising pleasure that my brother can drag from my body. He seems to realise, and pauses his licking, taking the opportunity to slide out from beneath me and position himself behind me. He leans over my back, and I whimper when I feel his hard cock, slick with my saliva, pressing against the cleft of my ass. He leans further, and I turn my head to meet his lips in a furious kiss. Passion, desire, lust and everything in between burns brighter than any flame inside me. I can feel his hands running up and down over my hips and thighs, squeezing my ass on every pass. His tongue attacks mine with a dominance that I do not question, allowing him to do as he wishes. He ruts against me, the both of us rocking together as our tongues battle. He pulls away with a hiss, one hand moving to clamp his own hard arousal. He sits back and stares at me for a moment, his eyes blazing with desire and I melt before his passionate gaze.

He turns his eyes to my ass, which I wiggle cheekily for him. He smirks and leans forward, his arousal now under control again. His restraint amazes me, I've never known a man to be able to hold themselves back from fucking when they get to that point of desperation. I wouldn't know myself though, I've not felt such a thing, but I suspect that I will have before the night is through. His tongue is like liquid fire against my skin, lighting me up with a burning need. I moan as he teases my entrance, lathering it in his saliva, before pushing the slick muscle inside. The incredibly flexible muscle flicks inside me, caressing me and making me writhe beneath him. If not for his strong hands on my hips, I would have suck to the bed already. My mind goes blank, as the pleasure rolls through me. He growls, and I all but scream, the need to come exploding through my veins.

"_Nii-san..."_ I whisper, and I know he hears me because that god-damn _merciless_ muscle leaves my ass, accompanied by a chuckle. He lays himself over my back, his cock rutting against my ass as I flop to the bed. He bites my shoulder gently, one hand caressing the side of my hip as the other braced him up over me.

"_Sasuke..." _He whispers back to me, and I know he's at his limit as much as I'm at mine. I lift my hips enough for him to slide a pillow beneath them, and he complies. His breath is hot against my neck for a moment, before he places a soft and sweet kiss to my temple. I turn my head and watch him a he kisses his way down my back, before sitting and taking a firm hold of himself. He shuffles closer, and presses the head of his cock to my entrance. He brings his gaze up to meet with mine, our eyes locking, before he begins to press into me. The arousal I feel from watching my brother as he enters me is indescribable. It races through every vein, every artery and I feel my eyes try to flutter shut. I resist, and force them to stay open, stay locked with my brothers. My entrance is slowly giving around him, and he pants with the effort to control himself now. He growls, staring at my eyes as his cock sinks into my ass at last. My walls hug his hard shaft tightly, and his hands grip my hips hard enough that I know there will be marks tomorrow.

Only when he finally sinks into me completely do my eyes flutter shut, and I know the first thing he's done is turn his eyes to my ass, to stare at our connection with as much intensity as he stared into my eyes. I turn my head forward again, imagining how he's watching this time as he slowly pulls himself back out, and then sliding back into me at such a cruelly slow pace. He's being cautious I know, trying not to hurt me. But I want the pain, I want his everything at this point. I force myself up to my elbows and push myself backwards, gasping, moaning and crying out as I feel his hardness inside me. He chokes, his grip tightening before he growls and pulls out again, only to ram himself inside again, harder and faster than he had last time. I think he understands what I want now.

I brace myself as best I can, as Itachi begins to move continuously. He thrusts slowly at first, taking his time to change his positioning and work out the best angle. I'm moaning shamelessly, my breath ragged as I focus on the feeling of my brother's hard shaft piercing me, driving into me over, and over, and over again. A relentless onslaught of pleasure rushes through my body, lighting nerves I hadn't even known could be lit. A white vastness explodes behind my eyelids and I stiffen, my breath stopping entirely for a long moment. This is what Itachi's been waiting for, and now he's found it, he's using his cock to strike at a special bundle of nerves I've never felt touched before. He's merciless and relentless, driving himself into me with a hunger that rivals my own. I'm reduced to a boneless mass of flesh on the bed in no time, and I feel Itachi hesitate for the first time. I try to tell him its fine, to keep going because it feels so damn good, but my voice is nowhere to be found.

When I feel him leave me, my eyes snap open and I cry out with genuine despair, but I hear a familiar chuckle and I am immediately reassured. Itachi turns me gently, laying me on my back. My legs fall aside, revealing my stiff erection to him. He licks it briefly, as he crawls over my body. His eyes stare into mine, a familiar kindness and softness in them as he stares at me. I raise one hand to his cheek and draw him closer. He kisses me as if he's scared of breaking me now, cautiously, like he's tasting me for the first time. I raise my legs higher and he rests his hands on my hips, his grip tightening slightly as he ruts against me. His cock finds my entrance as he slides against me, and it seems to instinctively make its way back inside me. He closes his eyes and moans, pressing into me once again. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, and my legs around his waist, drawing him in deeper this time.

Again he takes it slowly at first, thrusting at me while changing his angle until he notices a particularly loud whine from me. I throw my head back as he strikes my prostate again, and he takes the opportunity to attack my throat. His teeth are not gentle as he bites at the nape of my neck, and his tongue is vicious as it swipes over the various bites he plants on my skin. He's driving into me with a passionate force now, striking my nerve endings alight with every quick but hard thrust of his hips. My thoughts are of nothing, a blankness that sees only the pleasure of what he's doing to me. He kisses up my throat and I want to taste him again. I turn my face and angle my chin down, and he soon finds my lips. He's almost like an animal now, wild and carnal lust pouring from him as he buries himself deeper and deeper within me with every thrust. His tongue thrusts its way into my mouth, again conquering his castle. I moan, knowing our time is rapidly running out. Ecstasy cannot last forever.

He's growling continuously, his mouth attacking mine with a passionate fervour as his cock drives into my ass, repeatedly melting me from the inside out. I can feel the heat spiralling in my gut, travelling up my spine. He can sense it I think, because he draws back from our ferocious kiss to stare at me with those intense eyes of his. He stares as he buries himself in me, and I come undone. My eyelids flutter but do not close, as my cock finally bursts. My come is shooting over his stomach, which them spreads it over mine. He moans as he sees me lose control, his pace picking up as he feels my ass clench around him. He sighs when he comes, one hand gripping my hip and the other burying itself in my hair. He pulls tightly, tugging my head up. I wince as he sinks down and bites my shoulder, hard, but I relish the pain of it. I can feel his cock pulsing inside me, his seed flooding my channel. I can feel his heart pounding in his chest, directly over mine.

_Why can't I breathe?_

He eases his jaw free from my shoulder, and I wince again. He looks at me, panting for breath and his hair sticking to his face where it has shaken free from his hair band. He smiles apologetically, and leans down to lick at the large bite mark he's left. I mewl and wriggle away turning my face to instead capture his lips. His tongue is gentle in its exploration now, the worst of his need to dominate and conquer sated. But I relish this kiss too.

"I love you." I whisper when we break apart. His eyes are soft and watery as he shakes his head and kisses me, just as softly.

"I love you too." He whispers back. He moves to gently disentangle himself from me, but I grab his arms and force him to stop.

"Stay." I don't want to acknowledge that its over, that we have to let the real world back in now. I don't want to have finally admitted that I feel, only to have the world steal away from me the one thing I care about. I want him to stay with me, now and forever, and I desperately want him to be mine.

"Otouto..." He sighs, and I know he wants the same as me, I can see it. But the thing about Itachi, is he never does what he wants. He follows our fathers plans to the letter, even when they lead to his own unhappiness. I can see him wavering, fighting with himself as to what to do.

"Please." I'm not above begging, not when it comes to Itachi. I see the fight go out of him, and he lowers himself over me again, wrapping his arms around me. I know its only temporary, but its enough to know that he will at least give me this. I bite my lip, knowing I shouldn't ask, but also knowing that he knows I'm going to.

"Will you still marry her, now that you know?" I'm trying not to cry, but from the dampness on my cheeks and the stinging in my eyes I guess I'm failing. He sighs and doesn't answer me, and I suppose that's answer enough in its own way. I wonder briefly, whether realising my feelings sooner and telling my brother might have prevented this situation from occurring in the first place. I somehow doubt it, but then, I'm usually wrong about these things. I can feel Itachi shifting over me, and I realise he's noticed I'm crying. I hastily rub at my eyes with one hand, before he pulls back and looks at me with such a loving gaze that I'm left frowning.

"Do you honestly think I would marry someone else, when I finally have who I want right here? Foolish Otouto..." I'm pretty sure my heart just stopped. I cant breathe, cant speak, cant think. My mind wont work, despite my trying to force it. Itachi never goes against our father, I know this, so he must be joking, but he surely wouldn't do such a cruel thing to _me_ of all people. My heart picks up again, beating frantically as I lean up and kiss my brother with a ferocity to rival his own earlier. I cant believe that I'm lucky enough to be the one thing in life Itachi is not willing to sacrifice. As Itachi kisses me back, I know I'm crying even harder than I was before, but its okay. Because this time, I know everything is going to be fine. At long last I can feel. Finally I can love, and I am in love my brother.

* * *

**A/N:~ I feel incredibly sad now. I plan to write another fic similar to this but in the UraBoku world. (It'll be a YukixLuka)**

**I was listening to this song today, Why Can't I? By Liz Phair and I was assaulted with all these images from a YouTube video I watched once and then this grew from there.**

**I hope you all like it, I was actually going to have it end with Itachi going off and getting married, but I'm a sucker for a happy ending so I'm afraid it was a no go on that xD**

**So anywho - please let me know what you thought, I'm very interested on your thoughts on my first, first person fic.**

**If you could also let me know how you feel about the UraBoku version (it'll be a different story obviously) then that would also be appreciated, but its up to you... **

**Please review and feel free to take my poll, thank you SO much for reading - I luff you for doing so! **


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